i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
