yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
