I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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