she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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