talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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