I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
