For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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