I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
whose ass print is on the piano?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
