well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
