I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
