Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
