I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
