If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
