Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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