Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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