cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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