I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
