If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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