I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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