just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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