Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
