I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
