Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
