I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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