i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
