and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Sext me about skeletons
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
