My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
