you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
