just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
