how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
