as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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