just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
