So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I can't turn off my feet"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
