Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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