yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
