So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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