he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So vagazzling was a success
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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