Your face is a jimmy john
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
