How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
