I'm jealous of your bromance
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
