When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
