....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
