Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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