So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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