look no pants
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
