I just pynch a tree in the face
She announced her abortion via fbk
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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