I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
