Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
