that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
