you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
