i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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