Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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