whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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